why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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