so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
