I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
