I wish I could punch you in the face.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
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