Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
