is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
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