my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
