I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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