You're earring is so big in my mouth
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
