Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
