apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
