we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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