It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize