At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize