drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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