Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize