What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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