census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
