eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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