She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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