my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
