Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Your cock deserves a montage
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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