She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
