i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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