dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Enjoy the penises
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
