i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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