Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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