Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she told me i tasted like america
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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