I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
