I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
