You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
