Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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