You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She's the barista slut.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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