You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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