I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
