I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
