i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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