Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
