dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
