So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
there was a trapeze. enough said
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
