Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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