I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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