I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
