You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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