My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
