i may or may not be watching the land before time
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
