he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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