I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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