You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
