I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
