you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
