Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
