I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
