The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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