may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
