Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
