Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
