I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
