Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
this beer tastes like vomit already
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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