I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
