How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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