When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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