If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize