Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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