i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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