Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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