She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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