Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
