She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
