If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
