i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
