There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You were trust falling into bushes
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
